Tips For a Happy Marriage
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Today marks 13 years since I said “I do” to my best friend, husband, and father to our six beautiful children. I really could go on and on about how blessed we are and how much I really do love him along with how much I appreciate and value everything he has done for our family over the years. And I really do, but I get asked every once in a while how we’ve managed to stay together for so long. And honestly it seems like a blink of an eye since that day but sadly many marriages fail in the early years over things that could have been worked out or avoided. So here are some tidbits we have learned over the years from various married couples whose advice we value greatly.
Giving up is never an option. For us it just isn’t, when we said till death do us part, we meant it. Now we both came from divorced families and their divorces were their choices and it is not my job to judge them for it. We just simply do not want that for our children, or for us. Before we had kids, before we even said ok let’s do this, we made sure that we knew what we were getting into and were not going to back down or give up. If that means you go to any and all available pre-marital counseling, then do it. Read up on how to prepare yourself for marriage, it really is a job that you will have to work on till you or they die.
Never go to sleep angry. Leading up to marriage most brides will hear this at least once. Not to mention it just sounds cliché, but it is so true. Even if it’s three AM and you just want to give up, work it out. Because you will fight, it’s inevitable, no one is perfect and fighting is completely normal. It’s the working through the fight to come out stronger, that is the important part that some couples just don’t want to deal with. When you are in the midst of a fight try to remember where you want to be 20, 40, 60 years down the road. There are times that we both are mad at each other and not each other’s favorite person, but we still love each other, we are still best friends. In the end 60 years or more down the road I hope to be driving him nuts, just as much as I know, at times I do now in a nursing home or wherever we may end up. He’s who I have chosen to spend my life with and coming to that realization has made any fights that we have now end in laughter with us laughing at how stupid it was that we were even fighting about something that most likely wont even mean anything come morning.
Staying focused on God and other biblical things for marriage. Not everyone is going to agree with this and that is ok. We, personally believe that we need to keep God centered in our lives and in our marriage to help keep us focused on the things that really matter to us to keep our marriage strong. My husband is the head of our house. He is, yes we are partners but thankfully for my indecisive self he gets to be the one to make final decisions. If you’ve read anything in the bible about marriage then you have read about women needing to submit to their husbands. Then they stop reading… you should keep reading. Because it goes on to say that men should also listen to their wives. You know women tend to be wise. God knows this. Which leads me to this…
Communication. Neither of you are mind readers. Now once you’ve known someone for a really really really long time, you can anticipate what they are thinking or going to do which can be funny at times. I’ve heard the occasional “stop glaring at me with that tone” with his back to me from the other side of the house while bickering over some stupid thing that means nothing now. Along with the “I heard that!” when nothing was said. But still you need to talk to each other. If you are having problems in your marriage, how do you expect it to get better if you don’t talk about it.
Honesty. What kind of a marriage would it be without trust. But this goes pretty far. You need to be able to trust each other in EVERYTHING. From finances to keeping out of situations that could possibly be damaging to your marriage, like being alone with people of the opposite sex no matter how innocent the situation may be or how good of friends you all may be, just don’t do it. Do not put yourself in situations that could cause you to lose your spouses. Without trust, unnecessary fights will usually follow.
Pick your battles. Because honestly, somethings are just not worth bickering over. You can save yourself many headaches if you just keep your mouth shut and let it go. Lord knows I’m not perfect but many fights have been prevented by thinking it through, is it really worth it to fight over this? What do I actually gain by bickering over this? Not all things are worth getting all bent out of shape over. It’s is important to learn the difference
Be each other’s cheerleader. You are a team. You should be best friends. That means being there for each other when they need you. Pick them up when they are down and they should do the same for you. It isn’t a competition, it’s a journey that you two are on together, so be there for each other and make sure they know it. If you need help make sure to ask for it. Whether a work out partner or going to counseling. Be there for each other in all things.
So there ya go, some tidbits that I have gleaned over the years. It hasn’t always been easy, but I wouldn’t choose anyone else to go through life by my side. I love my husband and I will always look forward to many years God has in store for us. Happy Anniversary Joshua!
Here are some books that either one of us or both have read over the years and are very good reads for any marriage.